If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this poor guy.
(Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.)
"Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all.
"Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This ,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
"The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
"His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you’re having a bad day at work,
think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
"Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love job."
"And whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: is this a "jellyfish bad" day?"
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
BULL
1)
Commercial divers have safety regulations regarding equipment, which would NOT allow common garden hose to be used.
2)
At the depths where a commercial diver would operate off a hose system, the external water pressure from the surrounding water would CRUSH a garden hose, unless the water inside it significantly exceeded that of the water pressure, That would in turn make it TOIO DANGEROUS to push into the wet suit pants.
Good Tale for a BAR but nothing but HOT AIR none the less.
I can’t say I love my job because I don’t have one.
I also must be in a coma.
Ill keep that in mind next time I do, but what exactly is your job?
I’m in coma.
Honestly, I’ve had worse… maybe.
A while ago, I was on my way to school. Okay. Then, some greyhound dog pack saw me. The chase is on! Running, running. Busy street. Damn! Shoe falls off in the middle of the street. Perfect!
Dogs are on one side of the street. I’m on the other. Shoe is in the middle. Cars all around. -_- right…
Eventually, the dogs give up the chase and run off somewhere else. Traffic has slowed. I’m probably about 10 min. late for class. At least I’m still in one piece though. I get to school but, Closed. I give up… I drudge home through the light snow. No luck. Unlucky. Stupid. I forgot the keys. I peek through the window, right on the counter. Ring the door bell. Nobody is home. Mom did say she was going to do some early shopping today but, COME ON!
She gets home, of course, two hours later. Turns out I got a flu and end up missing most of the first term exam.
That. Day. Sucked.
(My description is very sketchy and basic. If I put details that made more sense I would have used up too much time)